It is important to remember that emotions are impermanent. They do not last forever. Sure, some emotions can endure for a long time under the proper conditions, but it is highly unlikely that a single emotion will last forever. Even if the change is not desirable, the change does occur. When we reflect on the changing tides of our inner ocean waves, there is a place to find respite. May you find rest in the deep ocean of your consciousness, as you watch the waves of your emotions go by. Be the deep ocean. Watch the waves go by.

Humans tend to notice the extremes of the emotional polarity (i.e., positive emotions and negative emotions) more than the center-point (i.e., neutral emotions). I would argue, that familiarizing ourselves with the center-point of the emotional spectrum is key to stepping off an emotional roller coaster. Ironically, I have noticed that despite craving balance, many people are unfamiliar with and even disquieted by center-point emotions—boredom, detachment, peace—the most common among the center-point emotion avoided is boredom.

If someone is interested in experiencing relief from the extreme pendulum swing between negative and positive emotions, they must learn to become friends with boredom. Once we lean into boredom, the trauma brain begins to settle, and we unhook ourselves from reactivity. Learning to tolerate boredom is a skill. You might have heard the common expression, “Only boring people get bored.” While there is some truth to this witty retort, this expression fails to communicate just how difficult it is to meet boredom and look deeply into its eyes.

Many people who have experienced chronic stress, trauma, or simply grind culture, fear neutral emotions such as boredom. That is, they experience a secondary emotion (i.e., fear or discomfort) in reaction to a primary emotion (i.e., boredom). It is almost as if by accepting boredom and doing nothing about it (e.g., distracting or busying oneself), one might encounter a beast. Indeed, this beast is present inside of us all, and it disguises itself cleverly. This beast, who I advise not to make enemies but rather friends with, is of course the Ego.

On the other side of boredom is vision. So how do we cope with boredom to get to the other side? How do we allow our minds to settle, so that calmness can take over? How do we unhook from trauma brain and trauma drive, so that our bodies relax and our minds open to greater possibilities and new ways of being? To see the world new again? To feel rested and awake? I have found stillness to be a very effective method.

Practicing stillness can radically support you on every level and dimension of your life. In stillness, you practice your first calling—to be alive. In stillness, you feel your existence. In stillness, we remember to cherish this gift. Have you pondered the meaning of your existence, or considered how rare it is? How do you make meaning with your being? How do you settle into and delight in your being?

Sometimes stillness can feel unnerving. Especially when we have trauma and pain in the body. Fortunately, patient and compassionate practice with stillness can reduce these unnerving feelings over time. Stillness may not remove pain, but it can alleviate suffering and increase peaceful feelings. Yes, you can experience pain and peace at the same time.

The sound of silence is the sound of settling. If all the thoughts and emotions in your mind were specs of glitter in a snowglobe, the sound of settling is the gentle gathering of bits at the bottom. No effort applied, only stillness required. Remember, it is only the Ego that struggles.

Stillness practice: Find a comfortable position, get quiet, and close your eyes. Bring your awareness to your breath. Notice the temperature of the air as it moves through your nostrils—cooler on the way in, and warmer on the way out. Begin to elongate your exhalation. Repeat this pattern, extending your breath, and breathing out a little longer on the way in, and a little longer on the way out. After a few rounds, bring your awareness to the pause between the inhalation and the exhalation. Inhale. Pause. Exhale. Pause. Notice the pause. Next, begin to elongate the pause. Inhale. Pause. Exhale. Pause. When you are ready, return to your natural breath, open your eyes, and return to the room.

© 2023 Krystal H. Parrish, PhD. All Rights Reserved.